2nd September

somehownatural:

Memorable Tumblr Puns 

Other Tumblr Compilations

2nd September

the-robot-condese:

tiny-little-nebula:

taloa-nashoba:

thatthirstyniggafromclass:

misconceptions about strippers. 

pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.

I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.

Truth.

My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.

And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.

Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows. 

When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections. 

My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.

that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said

2nd September

giraffepoliceforce:

Unsure of how to confess your love to someone? Try this:

  1. Acquire several dozen limes.
  2. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
  3. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
  4. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
  5. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
  6. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry. I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”
  7. Marry them.
2nd September

brenna-ivy:

Reference

2nd September
2nd September

beatlesblaine:

the price of a popcorn and soda at target: $1.99

the price of a popcorn and soda at the movies: an entire month’s rent and your first born child

2nd September
2nd September

teamrocketing:

when my friends talk in front of me and don’t include me in the conversation

image

2nd September

ask-bombastic-blake:

Sass is the best way to avoid getting fined

2nd September
2nd September

Why did you just say the crying thing?

2nd September

nefferpitou:

on monday a guy walked into the psychology class i’m in and sat next to me. about 30 minutes into class, he leans over and whispers, ‘this isn’t algebra.’ and calmly stands up and walks out of the room. luv college

2nd September

the-art-of-fangirling:

what a girl wants…according to tumblr

2nd September
1,556,153 plays
Track Name:How to Spoon

kegelgod:

harkthejontheangelsings:

image

I really hate yall for this shit man I cant even spoon with bitches no more because they bring this up

2nd September

50 questions

1: What would you name your future daughter?
2: Do you miss anyone?
3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
6: Did you go out or stay in last night?
7: How late did you stay up last night?
8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
12: Have you pretended to like someone?
13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
20: Who did you last see in person?
21: What is the last thing you said out lot?
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
23: Have you ever been to Paris?
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
25: Do you use chap stick?
26: Who did you last share a bed with?
27: Are you listening to music right now?
28: What is something you currently want right now?
29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
30: How is your heart lately?
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
33: What do people call you?
34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
36: What are you listening to right now?
37: What is wrong with you right now?
38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
40: What is on your wrists right now?
41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?
42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
46: What were you doing at midnight last night?
47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
49: Have you ever been to New York?
50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?